Virgin River

Season 7: Episode 7: Race you to the altar

Okay, folks, I’ll be honest…

Even the writers were clocking time this episode. I feel like this wedding has taken ages! So surely this episode is FINALLY the main event.

**SIGH**

Here’s real footage of me hearing this:

But then the writers surprised me! They didn’t waste an hour of my precious time on meaningless dramas about rice like the last episode. You’ll recall that we have JUST watched Doc and Mel have a huuuuuge fall out, where he dared to say things like:

about Everett.

And…

about Mel!

Well, naturally, these two former bosties (you remember this term — I’m not explaining it again) have decided to break up just hours before the wedding. This is because plot point, but also to remind you again that Everett is a man with a mysterious past whom we barely know. Even Joey doesn’t know him!

(Um… how is this still on the wedding to-do list?!)

Anyway, now we have a real race-against-time situation, and everyone is on the clock to restore order to the VR universe before the wedding. It’s basically The Running Man!

First person entering the game: Hope

Objective: Reunite the bosties while also pulling off a picture-perfect wedding.

Mantra: “In this office, we’re not co-workers; we’re family!”

Second player: Jack

Objective: Ensure his fiancée does the one thing still on the to-do list!

Mantra: “I’m here for the right reasons.”

Third player: Preacher

Wait… actually, Preacher is on an episode of Chopped.

Fourth player: Jo Ellen

Objective: Goss

Mantra: “Everyone’s got a secret to tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl.”

(JE was eliminated from game play for health reasons.)

Fifth player: Mel

Objective: GET SOMEONE TO WALK HER DOWN THE AISLE!

Mantra: “Keep calm and carry on.”

It didn’t feel out-of-hand when you got a HORSE?

Sixth player: Lizzie

Objective: Something nautical…

Mantra: “I know girls can sail!”

Seventh player: Mike

Objective: Suss out shadiness

Mantra: Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn…

Eighth player: Brady

Objective: Be on time for the raid!

Mantra: “I’m a good guy!”

And folks, lest you thought this episode was going to take place on the same ol’ VR backlot, prepare yourselves. We. Got. A. Boat!

Unfortunately this dream boat (you get it) lost power last night, and Preacher’s carefully prepared meal has fallen apart.

This is obviously the central drama of the episode, because even though Preacher insists he can handle it, the truth has to come out:

This was maybe the best showing of Preach we’ve seen all season. I mean, things have really calmed down for him since that babysitting gig went sideways. But now, instead of skulking through the woods like an action hero, we get to see a previously unexplored dimension of him.

He’s really serious about fennel!

Meanwhile, we also got a peek into Lizzie’s life, which has honestly been eclipsed by the B+G as of late. You’ll recall that Lizzie, who once tried to seduce Brady (a fact I will never forget) is now pregnant with Denny’s baby. And since Denny is terminally ill, she is under a lot of stress!

BUT, she’s not letting her style suffer as a result.

Now of course, Denny is the grandson Doc didn’t know about, and while I’d like to say that his character has had a real arc, I’m going to argue that we are about back where we started with Denny.

Denny’s always been a little spacey, a little shady, and a little bit up for anything, including working as a mechanic. And he’s not let HD get him down! Which is why he really shines in this episode. See, Lizzie doesn’t want to test the baby for a terminal disease right away.

In my mind, I’m thinking that they are going to wait until the baby is… you know, born. But Denny has other ideas and SNEAKS THEM INTO THE BIRTHING CENTER (which has somehow been built and is fully operational in less time than it’s taken Jack to build a single family home, but okay.)

For a truly moving moment:

And then Denny proceeds to the ultrasound machine, something it takes [quick Google here] 18-24 MONTHS to learn how to do in the state of California.

Now, of course, Denny is Doc’s intern, and we have seen him on exactly one medical case…

So, Lizzie has questions:

And Denny being Denny responds the only way the Denny we know and love can!

Anyway, while these lovebirds are ~~helping themselves to the spoils of VR~~ meeting their baby, Mel — hyped up on a cup of whatever this is

— finally gets her wedding wish, and her pseudo-dad and her biological dad FINALLY make up. See, it turns out that Doc had to saved Everett’s life and Everett didn’t want to be saved.

Real footage.

Worse, Doc could have been SAVING someone else. Jordan! We all remember Jordan, may he rest in peace.

BTW, isn’t this, like, a common problem in a town with ONE DOCTOR? Two people might need care at the same time? Which is why when this happens:

I truly thought she was talking about the dog from Marley and Me.

PS: What happened to that dog Jack gave Mel for Christmas??

Anyway, Marley (person, not dog) just has gas.

So, in the end, Doc and Everett, having decided not to rob the bride of her happiness, finally set aside their long-standing grudge, and everyone sails off into the sunset.

And so, the winner of the episode is really everyone because in the end they all happily eat paella together!

Season 6: Episode 7: On the edge of your seat

This show just keeps serving up the tension, folks! I mean, of course, every hour leading up to the royal wedding —

sorry, “weeding” — must be carefully documented. It is, after all, the event of a lifetime. But that doesn’t mean the drama slows down at all! And yes, Hope, I know the to-do list is long.

But, it has to compete with the non-stop drama that is living in VR!

PS: Never in my life have I seen a bride less involved with her own “big day.” Or groom, for that matter. But the B+G have other things to do today. Like Brie, they have to go to work.

Bahahahaha! I’m kidding!

Jack’s ex-girlfriend, who said she was pregnant with his twins but was lying because the babies’ actual dad is a criminal mastermind who is now threatening her, has a little problem because the baby daddy is asserting his rights in all sorts of problematic ways. Including threatening Jack (*gasp*). DRAMA!!!

So Jack, Brie, and Mike — aka the dream team — have come together to solve this problem. DRAMA!!!

Am I the only one who feels like the limited resources in this tiny town should not be disproportionately funnelled to helping Charmaine? Who, BTW, I’m pretty sure lives in freaking Clear River. Clear. River. That’s not Virgin River.

Besides, don’t the cops have other things to do, like… [checks notes] combat the drug smuggling operation that runs rampant in these parts?

We all remember this, right?

And this?!

And this?

So, they aren’t doing great with drugs in this town. Which is why it’s shocking that Brie, resident legal expert/NOT COP, is the only one who thinks up this idea:

We know Mike doesn’t wait for a warrant, so this is great.

Anyway, while they are off figuring out a way to save Charmaine — which, honestly, can she not Google “restraining order” while working full-time and raising twins and touring preschools that offer golf lessons? — Mel focuses on nailing down the one wedding detail she does care about: getting her dad to be more like Jack from This is Us…

And less like a person she barely knows!

Which leads to a monumental plot point!

Wait, actually, let’s quickly recap the top five plot points this season, just in case you missed anything:

But, we have a new number one, folks!

That’s right. This wedding is in [checks watch] approximately 30 hours and Mel has finally, FINALLY gotten the thing she truly wanted: Everett is walking her down the aisle!

Pressure, schmessure, Mel! The man with whom your mom had an affair and never told you about is not only attending your wedding, but also now in the #weddingparty. You won!

Oh, and her mom was also secretly passionate about flowers. Say it with me: DRAMA!!!!

Anyway, I know that you’re worried that the writers were so busy regaling us with Mel’s parents backstory again that they didn’t give us anything meaningful this episode, but you’ve got another thing coming. This episode had so. much. DRAMA.

Sintilating dramatic dialogue:

Callbacks to dramatic series highlights.

And new dramatic origin stories were revealed!

Also, a long overdue update on Jeb’s widow. (Justice for Jeb!) DRAMA!!!!

And, as usual, Preacher was on a completely different television show than the rest of the cast:

And one mystery that will have you clicking “next episode” faster than you can say “Going to the chapel…”

Oh, JE and her hijinks!

Wait!

Will they throw rice at this weeding?

There’s only one way to find out…

Season 6: Episode 6: Be our guest

After that wild movie night, it’s time for the mayor to shift her attention back to her primary duty.

That’s right — the mayor is not only officiating the wedding, she’s also the official wedding planner. And naturally, her chief-of-staff is here to ensure everything discussed in today’s meeting is accurately documented.

Is Lizzie’s mom happy that her daughter skipped college to have a baby with a dying man and take notes at a wedding planning meeting?

This meeting sets an important tone for the episode, because everyone has business to attend to since the wedding is in two weeks.

I really appreciate all the time cues we are getting this season.

I also appreciate the writers working overtime to remind us of the stakes this episode. Everyone needs to be super sure of the person they are going to go to this wedding with.

First couple: Mel and Jack (aka. the bride and groom)

Now, lest we ever, ever, ever forget, we have a tidy little reminder that Mel was married before.

But it’s cool because her ex is dead. No baggage there.

And Jack was married before.

You know, I really thought the writers forgot about this the same way they forgot about Adam (RIP). But no, they managed to make an entire episode about this. And so, off the royals go!

Okay, in case it’s not clear, Jack was SUPS young when he got married so it didn’t count.

And also, his ex, a non-threatening brunette, has zero feelings for him and has absolutely gone to therapy about this whole thing.

Honestly, this is a pretty f-ed up thing to do to someone who you just married. Especially when you going to get into on-campus married housing. That sh*t is not easy to come by.

Second couple: Hope and Vernon (surrogate parents of the bride and groom)

Vernon was supposed to walk Mel down the aisle, but then he got demoted, which is probably just as well considering this whole drilling-into-someone’s-head-without-authorization mess he’s gotten himself into.

Meanwhile, Hope has to visit her barn-owning ex, who was clearly emotionally abusive.

This is incredibly uncomfortable, and I absolutely hate this for Hope. But what are you gonna do when you have a homeless horse? Anyway, she should definitely go to the wedding with Vernon, not Roland.

Third couple: Brady and Lark

Actually, it looks like these two won’t be carpooling to the wedding together. Brady does not even care that Lark has an excuse for trying to scam him and sends her packing.

He just wanted to get over Lark by getting under Brie (ha!). Sadly though, he still has so many old mementos hanging around.

We all remember the significance of this tiara.

(Guys, I still think Lark started the fire. Is anyone even going to follow up on my hunch???)

Fourth couple: Preacher and Kaia

These two are totally solid, not just because but also mostly and absolutely because they are the only Black people in the main cast. But Kaia is a little distracted this episode because Brady has feelings for Brie (shock!) and Kaia, his new bostie (bestie + boss — you get it) knows. And now poor Kaia has a REAL BIG SECRET to keep. 🤫

She’s taking this whole thing pretty hard, which is odd considering she is works in the field of emergency management and just finished watching her BF go on trial for the body her firefighters found in the woods, but oooooooookay.

Fifth couple: Mike and Brie

These two are doing great. First, he still doesn’t know she cheated on him. Second,

A promotion to what, you ask?

Now, I find this odd because like Brie, Mike doesn’t appear to ever be at work, and also, when he is working, his work seems pretty patchy. Remember the whole unofficial-undercover-boat-explosion operation he ran? Also, shouldn’t the persecution have called him to the stand in Preacher’s trial? Just sayin’.

Anyway, I am going to go ahead and say that this promotion is likely going to coincide with a breakup. It’s only a matter of time before Brie and Brady get back together.

Sixth couple: Muriel and Cameron.

Okay, I am just hoping beyond hope these two get back together. He’s clearly been going through something since he left. I mean, look at this COVID beard!

So, grab your date and get ready for the event of the century!

Season 6: Episode 5: Something just feels off

Guys, sorry, sorry, sorry, I was running to get to my computer as fast as I could after watching this week’s ep, and I dropped all my notes.

No, Rory, I’ve got it. There was A LOT of new stuff in this episode, I swear. Let’s see… as if this week in VR couldn’t get any more exciting, it’s movie night!

Whoops, sorry about that… I do have my notes, I swear! Just so I don’t get lost again, let’s do a quick recap of the past few days: Monday, kid in a sink hole.

Tuesday: murder case without witnesses. Wednesday: exoneration!

Then yesterday, it was finally time for VR’s royal couple to take their place in the pantheon and be celebrated by the commoners with a bachelor/bachelorette party.

Uh, sorry… I just need to pause here and point out was on a THURSDAY NIGHT. A Thursday. Because nothing says let’s get wild like a Thursday. But, it was nuts! How nuts, you say? Welllllllll, one person got really smashed at the party and called their ex!

Oh, sorry… wrong ex.

Now it’s Friday (TGIF!) and it’s movie night in ~~Stars Hollow~~ VR! But there’s a problem. (No, not another sinkhole!)

Hope has to go and petition the person in charge to change it.

Sorry, wrong guy.

But, look, there are only so many options for a town movie night.

Gah — again! Why does this keep happening?

Anyway, while this movie night drama is playing out, everyone who was invited to the Thursday night bachelor(ette) parties (sorry, Lizzie) has to go to work.

BAHAHAHAAHA! I never get sick of Brie going to “work.” Also, don’t you get time off after single-handedly winning a massive case? (I’m asking for a friend.)

Anyway, Brie’s gotta get back in the saddle (see what I did there, cowboy?) and go down to the prison for [checks notes] plot point. And she sees something truly unsettling.

It’s Lark and that one guy!

But also, Kaia has to get up and go to work. And, it’s that one guy!

Boy, these two #girlbosses have a lot to deal with today. And, eye-roll, because if I’d been out dancing the night before, am I seriously dealing with casual workplace sexual harassment today?

Oh wait [checks notes], there was no dancing — it was karaoke and ax-throwing.

Dang, sorry… wrong show AGAIN.

Also, how old are these women, because I’m extremely tired if I stay up past 10 PM writing these recaps, so it’s hard to imagine how they would be functioning normally today.

Anyway, Preacher is off from chef duty today (I guess the restaurant is just closed 🤷🏾‍♀️) because he has community service.

Oops, sorry… hang on!

How great is it that the DA not only sentenced Preacher to community service, but they found a way for him to volunteer with his ride or die!

This is awesome because this way he doesn’t have to interact with a bunch of other convicted felons the way Lark does.

Well, my point is Thursday night is a strange night to have a wild party, and now everyone just has to drag themselves out of bed and back to work/community service. Except for Mel and Jack, who have unlimited PTO. So, the royals are having lunch with Jack’s incredibly supportive father.

(It’s nice that Jack’s dad took him to a Men’s Warehouse on a boat to buy this suit.)

And Mel’s new dad comes along for the fun.

Between you and me, I think Everett is right: this is a lot. He’s known this woman for twelve weeks, and she’s all “Walk me down the aisle”; “Meet my sister on my wedding day”; “Play that song you wrote for my mom”; “Come hiking with me”; “Let me keep you alive.” Seriously, Mel, back off a little.

Anyway, Mel and Jack deal with their daddy issues, Kaia and Brie handle some business closer to home.

Kaia puts Roy in his place. (I’m sorry, is there NO HR in this town?)

While Brie tells Brady the awful truth about his romance with Lark.

Now, before we talk about what happens next, I’m begging: could someone please explain to me what “this entire time” is? Like, when did this rouse begin???

Let’s look at the timeline, shall we? (Since the weather rarely changes in California, I’ll have to use some of the events to denote the passage of time.)

Outdoor (backyard) movie/boat explosion season

Brady is dating Brie. Then they break up because he’s an unofficial undercover informant for the, er, um, undisclosed law enforcement group with whom he does not seem to have a contract.

Hero season

A “devastating” fire breaks out, and Brady saves a little girl named Hazel from the pot camp.

Remember this hot action?

And then Brady ends up housing Lark at the local ~~fentanyl suites~~ glamping site, which is then seized by the FBI. (Question: What’s the FBI’s process for reimbursing landowners when the land is purchased using an investment from a drug lady and her brother/the former town mayor who no one liked?)

Post wildfires, pre-Christmas

Lark makes her move!

Two-part Christmas special/paternity reveal season

Brie and Brady have both moved on. Lark makes a suspicious phone call.

TIME JUMP!!!! / sinkhole season

Brady + Lark = 4eva… maybe.

Brady gets a nice little insurance check because he owned (?) the lumberyard (again: JUSTICE FOR JEB!!) and he has pretty good renter’s insurance I guess.

Yesterday / bachelor party season

Lark’s mum is sick; Brady starts to think something is suss.

Today / outdoor movie season

Brady learns his relationship is just insurance fraud.

By my calculation, given its outdoor movie season AGAIN, this has been a year in the making, which begs a few questions:

At what point did the scam start?
Did Lark “lose” Hazel in the fire just to ensnare Brady?
Why did Lark’s baby daddy have her go after Brady?
How did Lark know who Brady even was? (I know his hero status is town-wide, but do they have photos of him on billboards or something??)
Why didn’t anybody throw Hazel a birthday party? Like, something small with just her & maybe Christopher & sinkhole kid? That would have been nice.
How on earth did Lark and her prison paramour know Brady would get insurance money?

Guys, just a theory, but I THINK LARK STARTED THE FIRE!

Cue the music…

J/K, VR would NEVER pay for the rights to such expensive music.

But you know what they will pay for? Elbow patches on a sweater!

Okay, this is a great look with the yellowing tree in the background. Great work, set design and costume people. Chef’s kiss all around! But also, isn’t it April… so, why is this tree changing colors?

And this conveniently brings us to the climax of this episode.

Brie tells Brady that he’s worthy of love, and also, she never really liked Mike because we all know he’s the Max Medina of the show.

No, mate, it’s not.

Season 6: Episode 4: Let the good times roll

Fresh off of Preacher’s trial, everyone has decided to turn their attention to Mel and Jack, VR’s royal couple, lest we forget. And the writers have decided to serve up the wildest, craziest night we have EVER seen!

Brie and Kaia, Mel’s nearest and dearest, are throwing her a bachelorette party.

Joey’s flying in for the big day out, which is awesome because these sisters have a lot to catch up on. Like how Mel is getting to know her real father.

This seems like a weird time to meet your sister’s dad. Like, there will be NO OTHER OPPORTUNITIES to introduce these two people? Doesn’t Joey live within driving distance???

Well, whatever… Mel’s got it all under control. Good thing, too, because this bachelorette party is about to be wild: just look at the boas!

Brie and Kaia are feeling flirty tonight! Brie is hot and heavy for Mike, which is good because they have been having a hard time since her closing argument at Preacher’s trial (yesterday?).

If she can just distract him with sex, she won’t ever have to talk about her emotions. Who would want an emotionally intelligent bf anyway?

Meanwhile, Kaia wants to talk town hotties. She’s really trying to forge a bond with Brie by letting her know she thinks Brie’s ex is cute.

I find this to be a really concerning way to describe YOUR CO-WORKER…

But I guess Kaia and Cameron went to the same mandatory HR training program.

Anyway, these ladies are out for a whole night of “fun.” Mel is excited to FINALLY bring her two worlds together:

This is not okay. It will NEVER be okay.

And things are about to get crrrrrrrrrrrrrrazy!

Wait, sorry, wrong cultural moment.

This is the kind of wild night that could only be enacted by Messy Mel!

We are definitely familiar with these party personas! They’re soooooo crazy! So, no surprise when Mel really sticks it to a karaoke heckler(?) in classic Messy Mel fashion:

The heckler responds with a sick burn!

What matters here is Mel has TWO friends and one SISTER. Don’t get it twisted!

Meanwhile, Jack has a whole battalion of battle buddies who have come to town to celebrate his impending nuptials. And this was 100% written by a man who has BEEN TO A BACHELOR PARTY.

Unfortunately, Jack and Preacher have to have the same conversation with these dudes that *I* have to have with my children every time we are at Chili’s.

I say:

And then my partner closes with:

Parenting is so hard. No wonder Lizzie — still livin’ that PSA life — is unhappy. First of all, sometimes people have the nerve to send you perfectly practical stuff for your postpartum period instead of cute onesies!

And since plot, she naturally turns to Rick to share her concerns.

Like Mel, this poor woman has no friends. The only social circle in this town is +50. But, because this is a wild night, we need to underline the fact that these ladies are still seeing plenty of action!

I fully appreciate how horny this show lets women be… right up until they get pregnant.

Also, if THIS happens on SATC, I can only imagine what happens in VR when you talk about who you’ve slept with:

Unless you’re JE, who has only ever been with Nick.

Anyway, because “drunk” Brie and “drunk” Kaia “forgot” to cancel, a “stripper” walks into the bar. And without any hesitation, the sewing circle volunteers to accept this incredible performance.

I LOVE all the crossovers this season.

And as if we aren’t having enough rollicking fun, Jack offers up his own striptease. Please, enjoy this series of images as much as I did.

Drunk Mel:

Sober Jack:

Still sober:

Still sober!

I’m just trying to imagine the director of this scene giving directions. Anyway…

Season 6: Episode 3: Back to business as normal

I’m sooooooooo pleased that the VR writers are FINALLY back to their usual antics. Don’t get me wrong — the first two episodes of this season were fine. They were FINE. But I’m not here for time jumps or scintillating legal procedurals. I’m here for SINKHOLES!

So, let me back up for a second. This town has endured its fair share of disasters: There was Jack’s cabin burning to the ground. The drug raid gone wrong. Calvin’s boat explosion. Another fire. And another drug bust. So, it’s understandable that they would really need something, anything to rally around. And that something is A WEDDING.

This is exactly what every bride-to-be wants to hear. So, no pressure, but…

Cue the Lorde music.

Just kidding… the producers aren’t paying for the rights to this music, especially not when they are spending so much money on making this season a crossover with Firefly Lane.

The flashbacks in these past two episodes have truly been a gold mine. We don’t just get to see Mel’s mom and biological dad in the past, we also get to see lil’ Burt!

And 60s Connie — who still has the same haircut. And the same attitude.

Most moving, perhaps, has been learning that Mel’s parents’ meet cute inspired the film, Serendipity.

Turns out, there’s only way to truly know if you’re meant to be with someone if you’re a free-spirited heterosexual with beach waves.

And then, we get the most moving exchange/birth story.

Um, ick. Sorry, Everett, but this is the very definition of TMI.

Also, I don’t think Hope would be happy to know that Mel is wasting her time on these anecdotes when they have a wedding to plan!!!

Apparently, officiating a wedding also means planning the wedding. And strong-arming the bride into making it a town-wide event.

Anyway, it’s a good thing the wedding isn’t for a few more days (weeks?) because they want to make sure Preacher is free. He’s a little tied up being in court for 48 hours, but thankfully this is only a two-day case. And Brie’s crack legal time has figured out how to stop the prosecution from insisting that Preacher was somehow responsible for Wes’s death: putting him on the stand. GENIUS!

Weirdly, the DA doesn’t bother to call Vince to the stand — seems like he might have an important perspective given he spent months trying to find his brother.

But, Mike already assured us this would be a non-issue.

That’s why Mike’s on the legal team!

Anyway, Brie uses the best argument in town to make the case for the defense:

Case closed.

And not to be out-rivaled, Brady quickly volunteers to get dropped into a sinkhole.

Now, sinkholes are dangerous, but with the right preparation, you can handle them.

Flawless logic here.

Also, sinkholes are fun!

Because Muriel, there haven’t been any catastrophes in FOUR MONTHS! And today Denny just happens to be at the clinic for the first day of his internship. Come on, sister, get on board!

I love it when my doctor says this as he leaves my exam room.

Anyway, while Denny is off having the best day of his life, Lizzie continues to live through the horrors of unplanned pregnancy. Ricky is back, and he’s got some wisdom to impart.

Does this show not like pregnant people? Let’s see… we have Mel, who couldn’t get pregnant and whose husband DIED while they were arguing about IVF. And then she had a miscarriage after enduring the agony of not knowing the identity of baby Mack’s father. And that’s after having a stillbirth.

Then there was Lilly, who abandoned her baby, but then came back for her, and then died of cancer. UGH.

Charmaine, meanwhile, was pregnant for nearly five seasons. She got dumped by Jack, then her jerk fiancee cheated on her, and her babies’ (yes, multiple babies — she has twins) daddy is some sort of criminal mastermind who faked his own death. But he’s somehow not in trouble over running a drug smuggling ring anymore, and now Charmaine has to petition the court for sole custody of her kids.

And now Lizzie, who tried to hook up with Brady, something that is not EVER mentioned, but *I* will never forget, tempted Ricky with her feminine whiles and was denied easy access to birth control, got accidentally pregnant with her terminally ill boyfriend.

Oh, and Brie was sexually assaulted and had a miscarriage too.

SHOW ME A HAPPILY PREGNANT PERSON ON THIS SHOW! Is the “Virgin” in the title meant to be a mission statement?

Anyway, while this show hates pregnant people, you know what it does love? A party! So, everyone heads to Jack’s to celebrate Preacher’s freedom and get a little rowdy.

Another awesome day in Virgin River, for the non-pregnant heroic people. Just in time, too, because we’ve got a wedding to focus on.

But Hope might want to double-check the invite list because someone wasn’t invited and he’s not happy about it!

Season 6: Episode 2: Somebody save me

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Sometimes it’s like Preacher is on a completely different show than the rest of the cast. Preacher’s trial has finally started. You’ll recall that he helped Michelle/Paige cover up the death of her abusive ex after M/P pushed him down the stairs. P+MP forever! Almost… PS: It’s weird how no one ever brings up Paige or Christopher.

Anyway, even though Preacher is the one on trial, the only goal here is KEEP PAIGE OUT OF TROUBLE!

And thankfully, the smartest legal minds in VR have assembled to achieve this objective.

Let’s review the roster:

Lead attorney: Brie

Legal background: Actual lawyer, or so we’ve been told.

Connection to the case: Well, aside from defending Preacher, she’s sleeping with the man who helped Preacher try to get away with murder and tipped Preacher off when they found the body.

Weaknesses: Definitely suffering from PTSD.

Assistant attorney: Mike

Legal background: Uh… he’s been in a courtroom before because he’s a cop or something?

Connection to the case: He’s dating Brie.

Tried to cover up this murder, so has inside information that should help the defense.

And, like a true bestie, he let Preacher know when they finally found Wes’s body.

Weaknesses: History of trusting the wrong people.

Case intern: Kaia

Legal background: Loves sandwiches, so definitely knows where to order lunch from.

Connection to the case: In love with the defendant.

(This is pretty big news because she wouldn’t use the l-word before getting divorced.)

Weaknesses: Unsure about being promoted to leadership roles.

Paralegal: Jack

Legal background: Total problem solver!

Connection to the case: Employer, bestie, and confidante of the defendant. Also occasional audience surrogate.

Bonus: He was nearly murdered by the brother of the person who was murdered so he’s pretty familiar with the case.

Weaknesses: Has a lot of irons in the fire: about to get married, building a barn, puppy parent, and currently taking some dance lessons.

With a team like this, ~~Preacher can’t lose!~~ Paige will be fine.

Season 6: Episode 1: Everything is awesome!

In a town like Virgin River, where time moves at an impossibly glacial pace, this episode began with the biggest bombshell we’ve seen yet:

APRIL?! How many surprise pregnancies have there been since Christmas Eve? How many suspicious surprise grandsons or twin cop kidnappers? How many times did Brady save someone? (#hero)

Sadly, none, dear reader, because this season is a calmer, more reserved Virgin River. Everyone has been juicing, meditating, and writing in their dream journals. These people are ready to be the newer, more improved versions of themselves. They have bounced back from surprise paternity, “devastating” wild fires, and finding out their town was home to a drug-smuggling ring, and everything is really super good now. Just don’t ask any questions: this all makes perfect sense.

Now, we sped things up because we didn’t want to wait 12 seasons for Mel and Jack to tie the knot. But first, she needs a dress.

And since she’s getting married on a farm, she needs the right women to help her pick up an outfit for the big day!

This makes sense… it’s not like she has a sister or a friend with a large hat or anything to help her select a dress.

RIP, bestie!

She also needs someone to officiate the wedding and style her hair.

Man, it’s great that Charmaine has bounced back from her Christmas Eve delivery and is back to work. Now normally I’d say it’s sexist to ask whose watching the kids, but given who their dad is, I feel like this is a valid question. No, wait, I’m sure she just enrolled them in that awesome preschool…

So, everything with Mel is super duper chill. She also got a great wedding gift!

Jack is also doing super great! First off, he has a horse now, so that’s awesome. Also, he’s tots not afraid of being up on a roof even though his brother died from falling off of one (right?).

He also uses the term “brother” pretty *laissez-faire*. Sometimes it’s like his REAL brother never even existed!

Now, I know what you’re thinking — not everyone is doing awesome. For instance, Preacher is going on trial for murder.

But, hear me out: it’s pretty awesome that even though he is accused of killing Wes and hiding the body, he’s still allowed to roam town with zero restrictions. And do you know why?

That’s right, folks — Brie is back, and she’s defending Preach! This is her first big case (I’m guessing) so she’s working all the time. I’m not joking! Look:

The best part is, her law office has a pretty awesome WFH policy, which includes having presumably private documents wherever whenever, even if you’re sleeping with a cop who’s connected to the case.

Hmmm, now, I have confessed before that I’m not a lawyer, but isn’t this some sort of conflict of interest? Seems like the man who helped Preacher almost get away with this crime shouldn’t be hanging out with Preacher’s lawyer, never mind have this must access to the case documents. Also, is he gonna be in the courtroom as a co-defendant or what?

Oh no, just for heart-eye emojis. Cool, cool, cool. This case still doesn’t make any sense… but we can’t have multiple people on trial.

Speaking of felons, Brady is also awesome!

What insurance check???

So, wait, Brady OWNED the lumberyard that was smuggling drugs not once, but twice, but is somehow still entitled to the insurance money because it burned down in a fire? Shouldn’t that money be, like, federal property? Okay, sure… I’ll buy it. Good to see Brady’s fortunes have finally turned around.

So, what’s Brady’s big dream for his big payday? I’m glad you asked!

Because…

Now, first of all, half this money should go to Jeb’s widow. (RIP, Jeb: we hardly knew thee.) Secondly, what? Bikes kept him out of trouble? Every time we see him on a motorcycle, it’s some sort of problematic situation.

Like, being tardy for important events.

Or flirting with married women:

Or threatening to commit a crime:

Or running secret undercover operations without being an actual officer of the law.

And yet PREACHER is the one on trial? Okay, I guess this whole insurance thing is happening because the weed people want to steal his money for reasons. And, Lark dances off to the prison to share the good news with person who we definitely remember.

It’s good to see that they renewed his contract. So, he’s also doing great.

The only one not going great in this episode is really poor Lizzie, who’s pregnancy is really more of a PSA at this point:

At least Denny’s here.

Yep, this season is gonna be (say it with me) awesome!

Season 5: Episode 12: All I Want for Christmas

The holidays are all about family, and nowhere is that truer than in Virgin River. After the chaos of yesterday, everyone is slowing down and spending Christmas Eve with the ones they love best.

Mel is standing on her maybe daddy’s porch getting cooking tips.

Calvin (you definitely remember him) is anxiously awaiting the birth of his twin boys. (Nice that he is alive for this moment… that boat explosion was just for funsies!)

And Charmaine is crushing it at finally, finally, FINALLY giving birth. (Reminder, she has been pregnant since season one of this show. Season ONE.)

What this episode really drives home though is that family is something you choose. So, choose carefully. Because sometimes revenge sex with a criminal can be a mistake.

Sometimes choosing not to have kids is more complicated than just saying:

Sometimes accepting a new job means you’re probably going to end up investigating the guy ~~you’re sleeping with~~ who makes your sandwiches.

But, it’s not always that complicated. Sometimes you’ll choose a good friend who’ll help you cover up a crime.

Sometimes, your ex and your new boyfriend end up having a lot in common.

And the same sense of humor.

Sometimes, even though you’re an on-call nurse trying to start a birthing center in a town with three medical professionals (one of whom is going blind), your restaurant owner/ proprietor of a glamping site that’s being investigated by the FBI fiancee picks THE PERFECT GIFT for two people are never home.

It’s not all giggles and puppies, sadly. Sometimes the formerly homeless pot dealer? addict? enthusiast? single mom whose daughter you rescued (#hero!) is catfishing you.