I’m sooooooooo pleased that the VR writers are FINALLY back to their usual antics. Don’t get me wrong — the first two episodes of this season were fine. They were FINE. But I’m not here for time jumps or scintillating legal procedurals. I’m here for SINKHOLES!

So, let me back up for a second. This town has endured its fair share of disasters: There was Jack’s cabin burning to the ground. The drug raid gone wrong. Calvin’s boat explosion. Another fire. And another drug bust. So, it’s understandable that they would really need something, anything to rally around. And that something is A WEDDING.

This is exactly what every bride-to-be wants to hear. So, no pressure, but…

Cue the Lorde music.

Just kidding… the producers aren’t paying for the rights to this music, especially not when they are spending so much money on making this season a crossover with Firefly Lane.

The flashbacks in these past two episodes have truly been a gold mine. We don’t just get to see Mel’s mom and biological dad in the past, we also get to see lil’ Burt!

And 60s Connie — who still has the same haircut. And the same attitude.

Most moving, perhaps, has been learning that Mel’s parents’ meet cute inspired the film, Serendipity.

Turns out, there’s only way to truly know if you’re meant to be with someone if you’re a free-spirited heterosexual with beach waves.

And then, we get the most moving exchange/birth story.

Um, ick. Sorry, Everett, but this is the very definition of TMI.

Also, I don’t think Hope would be happy to know that Mel is wasting her time on these anecdotes when they have a wedding to plan!!!

Apparently, officiating a wedding also means planning the wedding. And strong-arming the bride into making it a town-wide event.

Anyway, it’s a good thing the wedding isn’t for a few more days (weeks?) because they want to make sure Preacher is free. He’s a little tied up being in court for 48 hours, but thankfully this is only a two-day case. And Brie’s crack legal time has figured out how to stop the prosecution from insisting that Preacher was somehow responsible for Wes’s death: putting him on the stand. GENIUS!

Weirdly, the DA doesn’t bother to call Vince to the stand — seems like he might have an important perspective given he spent months trying to find his brother.

But, Mike already assured us this would be a non-issue.

That’s why Mike’s on the legal team!

Anyway, Brie uses the best argument in town to make the case for the defense:

Case closed.

And not to be out-rivaled, Brady quickly volunteers to get dropped into a sinkhole.

Now, sinkholes are dangerous, but with the right preparation, you can handle them.

Flawless logic here.

Also, sinkholes are fun!

Because Muriel, there haven’t been any catastrophes in FOUR MONTHS! And today Denny just happens to be at the clinic for the first day of his internship. Come on, sister, get on board!

I love it when my doctor says this as he leaves my exam room.

Anyway, while Denny is off having the best day of his life, Lizzie continues to live through the horrors of unplanned pregnancy. Ricky is back, and he’s got some wisdom to impart.

Does this show not like pregnant people? Let’s see… we have Mel, who couldn’t get pregnant and whose husband DIED while they were arguing about IVF. And then she had a miscarriage after enduring the agony of not knowing the identity of baby Mack’s father. And that’s after having a stillbirth.

Then there was Lilly, who abandoned her baby, but then came back for her, and then died of cancer. UGH.

Charmaine, meanwhile, was pregnant for nearly five seasons. She got dumped by Jack, then her jerk fiancee cheated on her, and her babies’ (yes, multiple babies — she has twins) daddy is some sort of criminal mastermind who faked his own death. But he’s somehow not in trouble over running a drug smuggling ring anymore, and now Charmaine has to petition the court for sole custody of her kids.

And now Lizzie, who tried to hook up with Brady, something that is not EVER mentioned, but *I* will never forget, tempted Ricky with her feminine whiles and was denied easy access to birth control, got accidentally pregnant with her terminally ill boyfriend.

Oh, and Brie was sexually assaulted and had a miscarriage too.

SHOW ME A HAPPILY PREGNANT PERSON ON THIS SHOW! Is the “Virgin” in the title meant to be a mission statement?

Anyway, while this show hates pregnant people, you know what it does love? A party! So, everyone heads to Jack’s to celebrate Preacher’s freedom and get a little rowdy.

Another awesome day in Virgin River, for the non-pregnant heroic people. Just in time, too, because we’ve got a wedding to focus on.

But Hope might want to double-check the invite list because someone wasn’t invited and he’s not happy about it!