Okay, folks, I’ll be honest…

Even the writers were clocking time this episode. I feel like this wedding has taken ages! So surely this episode is FINALLY the main event.

**SIGH**

Here’s real footage of me hearing this:

But then the writers surprised me! They didn’t waste an hour of my precious time on meaningless dramas about rice like the last episode. You’ll recall that we have JUST watched Doc and Mel have a huuuuuge fall out, where he dared to say things like:

about Everett.

And…

about Mel!

Well, naturally, these two former bosties (you remember this term — I’m not explaining it again) have decided to break up just hours before the wedding. This is because plot point, but also to remind you again that Everett is a man with a mysterious past whom we barely know. Even Joey doesn’t know him!

(Um… how is this still on the wedding to-do list?!)

Anyway, now we have a real race-against-time situation, and everyone is on the clock to restore order to the VR universe before the wedding. It’s basically The Running Man!

First person entering the game: Hope

Objective: Reunite the bosties while also pulling off a picture-perfect wedding.

Mantra: “In this office, we’re not co-workers; we’re family!”

Second player: Jack

Objective: Ensure his fiancée does the one thing still on the to-do list!

Mantra: “I’m here for the right reasons.”

Third player: Preacher

Wait… actually, Preacher is on an episode of Chopped.

Fourth player: Jo Ellen

Objective: Goss

Mantra: “Everyone’s got a secret to tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl.”

(JE was eliminated from game play for health reasons.)

Fifth player: Mel

Objective: GET SOMEONE TO WALK HER DOWN THE AISLE!

Mantra: “Keep calm and carry on.”

Sixth player: Lizzie

Objective: Something nautical…

Mantra: “I know girls can sail!”

Seventh player: Mike

Objective: Suss out shadiness

Mantra: Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn…

Eighth player: Brady

Objective: Be on time for the raid!

Mantra: “I’m a good guy!”

And folks, lest you thought this episode was going to take place on the same ol’ VR backlot, prepare yourselves. We. Got. A. Boat!

Unfortunately this dream boat (you get it) lost power last night, and Preacher’s carefully prepared meal has fallen apart.

This is obviously the central drama of the episode, because even though Preacher insists he can handle it, the truth has to come out:

This was maybe the best showing of Preach we’ve seen all season. I mean, things have really calmed down for him since that babysitting gig went sideways. But now, instead of skulking through the woods like an action hero, we get to see a previously unexplored dimension of him.

He’s really serious about fennel!

Meanwhile, we also got a peek into Lizzie’s life, which has honestly been eclipsed by the B+G as of late. You’ll recall that Lizzie, who once tried to seduce Brady (a fact I will never forget) is now pregnant with Denny’s baby. And since Denny is terminally ill, she is under a lot of stress!

BUT, she’s not letting her style suffer as a result.

Now of course, Denny is the grandson Doc didn’t know about, and while I’d like to say that his character has had a real arc, I’m going to argue that we are about back where we started with Denny.

Denny’s always been a little spacey, a little shady, and a little bit up for anything, including working as a mechanic. And he’s not let HD get him down! Which is why he really shines in this episode. See, Lizzie doesn’t want to test the baby for a terminal disease right away.

In my mind, I’m thinking that they are going to wait until the baby is… you know, born. But Denny has other ideas and SNEAKS THEM INTO THE BIRTHING CENTER (which has somehow been built and is fully operational in less time than it’s taken Jack to build a single family home, but okay.)

For a truly moving moment:

And then Denny proceeds to the ultrasound machine, something it takes [quick Google here] 18-24 MONTHS to learn how to do in the state of California.

Now, of course, Denny is Doc’s intern, and we have seen him on exactly one medical case…

So, Lizzie has questions:

And Denny being Denny responds the only way the Denny we know and love can!

Anyway, while these lovebirds are helping themselves to the spoils of VR meeting their baby, Mel — hyped up on a cup of whatever this is

— finally gets her wedding wish, and her pseudo-dad and her biological dad FINALLY make up. See, it turns out that Doc had to saved Everett’s life and Everett didn’t want to be saved.

Worse, Doc could have been SAVING someone else. Jordan! We all remember Jordan, may he rest in peace.

BTW, isn’t this, like, a common problem in a town with ONE DOCTOR? Two people might need care at the same time? Which is why when this happens:

I truly thought she was talking about the dog from Marley and Me.

PS: What happened to that dog Jack gave Mel for Christmas??

Anyway, Marley (person, not dog) just has gas.

So, in the end, Doc and Everett, having decided not to rob the bride of her happiness, finally set aside their long-standing grudge, and everyone sails off into the sunset.

And so, the winner of the episode is really everyone because in the end they all happily eat paella together!