Category Archives: Virgin River

Is Todd the most garbage person on this show???? He made Charmaine give up her dog.

He basically tried to buy the twins from Jack.

And now he’s gonna miss the baby shower.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the writers were trying to set up a situation in which there’s a potential for Char and Jack to get back together and raise those boys as one unit. Because as Rory Gilmore taught us all…

So, even though we have spent all season thinking Vince and Calvin were the bad guys, I’m thinking Todd is actually the secret villain of this whole show.

Wait, new theory: Todd hired Vince to kill Jack. And he’s not going to the baby shower because he can’t face the fact that the hit he hired failed.

Luckily, Jack is all too happy to step in.

While Jack is working things out with Char, Hope is trying to find something she and Vernon can do together for fun.

I can only hope they are going to Mrs. Kim’s.

But Vern doesn’t see the point.

And takes off fishing with Burt.

It was nice to hear a little bit of Burt’s big dreams.

And get this little lupus PSA.

Meanwhile, Mel’s actually at work today!

I know, Cameron, I’m shocked, too!

But she’s using company time to make personal phone calls because she’s gotta deal with her pesky mother-in-law.

Luckily, Mark’s mom has a few minutes to hash things out with Mel face-to-face.

Again, I have to say it: #menacingolderwomen! Let’s get this trending.

Anyway, turns out Mark’s mom is… well, a lot like Preacher.

Maybe her PI should be on the Christopher case because it’s really going nowhere.

Um… how do you get a warrant to trace a call to find a kid who hasn’t been officially reported as kidnapped because BOTH of his parents are missing??? I’m asking for a friend.

But, there HAS been a big break in the who-tried-to-murder-Jack case!

Again, so many questions. Vince’s DNA is in a criminal database in California even though he’s a cop in Florida? What??? Do they just have all cop DNA on file just in case?

Well, at least now that Brady’s probably not guilty, Jack can go and enjoy this baby shower!

Did Preacher’s invitation get lost in the mail? How was he not invited — he’s Jack’s best friend/business partner! Oh well… the best part of co-owning the ONLY restaurant in town is you can close it whenever you want for private events.

Am I the only one who thinks these two are awkward AF together? I just don’t sense the chemistry! But maybe it’s because there’s a cloud hanging over them.

And, right on cue…knock, knock!

Talk about awkward! At least now someone can report Christopher as missing.

Since Joey had to jet off on her honeymoon, Mel was left alone worrying about Jack… or was she?

Thank goodness her bestie was here for her when she needed him the most. PS: I thought Brie was Mel’s bestie, but Brie was obvs busy last night.

Anyway, good thing Preacher was on the case. And this time, he solves it!

How missing was Jack, exactly? Because he seems shockingly easy to find! Which is good because Mel’s gotta work in the morning.

What exactly is the clinic’s PTO policy???? She hasn’t been at work ALL WEEK!

Brady’s also gotta get to work, and it looks like Emerald Lumber is on a real upswing — check out their signage!

When did this sketchy company have time to hire a logo designer?

Anyway, as usual, the feds are really not doing their job with this place! If only they had bugged it because Brady’s gonna have to get really clear with his new manager on what is and is not listed in his job description.

And who is his new manager exactly? This lady, who looks an awful lot like Goldie from Workin’ Moms.

If #menancingolderwomen isn’t trending on Twitter, it really should be. We get two of them this episode! Mel is barely at work for a minute before she has to deal with another one — her dead husband’s mom.

Now this person, you’ll recall, is Mark’s sister. (I did not recall, so luckily the writers on this episode did the heavy lifting to remind me.) Anyway, she came to town to deliver some REALLY weird news.

Meanwhile, Jack is finally getting a referral to therapy and really, it’s about time.

Now forgive me for saying so, but Jack going to therapy really does remind me a lot of Luke listening to that self-help tape on Gilmore Girls.

Anyway, the super great thing about Barry is he has IMMEDIATE openings in his schedule and comes to you!

My Yelp review for Barry: “Highly recommend. Five stars.”

Barry is working all kinds of miracles because Preacher is finally opening up to Julia.

THIS might be the understatement of the century. Two words: hidden body.

Okay, anyway, these two end up in bed together, and immediately afterward, Preacher’s phone rings. Of course!!

And it’s Christopher! Of course!!!

Now, I’m not judging anyone’s parenting, especially when they aren’t even the real parent, but you didn’t drill this phone number into this kid’s head?! Or teach him how to evade kidnappers? Or buy him one of those watches that will track your kid’s location?? Too bad because instead of giving Preacher ANY information that would help him get out of this situation, he just says:

Now, I am betting Vince is suffering some sort of psychotic break from the murder/mysterious disappearance of his twin (WE DO NOT MENTION THIS ENOUGH!!) plus the stress of being on an extended road trip with this tiny artist who is probably going through sketch pads like nobody’s business. And he’s probably running out of money since he goes to work even less than Mel, but I digress…

Now, a critical question: why aren’t the police monitoring Preacher’s phone in case something like this happens? I know not everyone’s in on this, but Mike’s on the case, right????

Eh… Mike’s priorities seem to be set by Brie rather than the sheriff’s department, so he’s got his hands full today.

She figured out where Calvin might be hiding! Now, call me crazy, but does the VR police force not have a helicopter where they might, say, happen to spot a body of water that’s NOT ON THE MAP??

Well, they don’t. And official police rules state that if you find the potential hide out, you get to go on the stake out!

Now Brie is too busy conspiring with Mike to take a call from Brady. If she did answer, maybe she wouldn’t have been so surprised when this happened to Calvin’s boat.

Wow, when Brady’s boss demotes someone, she really commits. #bosslady

Mel’s had a busy week so far, so let’s quickly recap. Assuming the Ren Fair/Festival of Living Pictures was over the weekend, she woke up Sunday night/Monday morning thinking something was wrong with the baby.

That morning, Vernon graciously told her:

Then her sister showed up, so she spent the entire day trying to convince Joey not to race into (another) marriage.

That was yesterday. Today she has a new priority: get Joey and handsome Hallmark guy back together.

Luckily, it is shockingly easy. And so, she bops to work with some exciting news!

And they hand this woman another day off… even though they’ve spent the past 12 hours or so hiking in the wildness.

Mel works about as much as Brie does. Question: have we EVER seen Brie go to work???

Anyway, it’s going to be a super busy day for Mel! Luckily she has some assistance.

Good thing she doesn’t need Jack to do anything — except hang with the groom briefly — because he’s got plans of his own.

Objective 1: Stay sober.

Objective 2: Shop for Airstream decor.

Ricky is pretty helpful in finding these terrific chair cushions (which are gonna cushion what, exactly?). This Airstream business is practically building itself!

I cannot help but point out that Jack seems to have all the design sense of Luke Danes.

Luke — er, I mean, Jack also spends a bunch of time starring at a mysterious photograph. Do we realllllllly need another reason to believe Jack needs help?

Also, this just makes me feel like I’m watching This is Us all over again… and not just because Mel was Sophie on that show.

Annnnnyway, in addition to wondering who tried to kill Jack (Vince!), if he’s the father of baby Mack, if the Airstream business will generate enough income, and if he will stay sober (spoiler alert: no), the writers have upped the ante with this photograph. How much drama can one man handle before he cracks???? (I think that might have been the working title for this show.)

The drama is ratching up with Denny, who stumbles on to a bit of good luck when he asks to borrow a jacket but finds more than he bargained for.

What are the odds that ALL THESE FILES just happened to be stored under the bed of the guest room???

Anyway, Mel somehow manages to find her sister a wedding dress in less than 12 hours in a town that doesn’t even have wifi (ooookay, sure), and bumps into Charmaine, who offers some pretty insightful criticism.

Yeah, WHY IS THIS WEDDING IN VIRGIN RIVER?! With a bunch of guests neither the bride nor the groom knows???

Wait, they aren’t all strangers. Let’s take a look back at the last time Joey came to VR:

So naturally, Mel invites Brady to the wedding — super thoughtful! He initially declines though because he’s…

But, you know what, he’ll do ANYTHING for Brie. (Just not get to the raid on time. #sorrynotsorry) So, he comes.

Of course, the guest list can’t just be Joey’s failed paramours, so Mel invites Dr. Cutie, too.

And this lady!

This show is working OVERTIME to make it clear just how much Cam has fallen for Mel/how insanely lonely he is. (Even though the townsfolk are tripping over themselves to meet him.)

Oh Cam, I’m pretty sure you can get yourself a quickie fiancee in this town, especially considering the lack of substantive healthcare coverage. There are plenty of eligible women in this town: Tara, Julia, this chick.

Anyway, in case you’re still not clear on it, Brady comes in with his high emotional IQ to spell it out.

Please, can someone — anyone — give me two good reasons Cameron is interested in Mel aside from physical proximity.

Anyway, all the other mainstays of the town have dropped everything to attend this wedding. (Notably absent: Joey’s kids.) And we get some key insights into their lives. For example, we find out just how rich Nick (investor in Jack’s Airstream biz AND internet-ordained minster) and JE (co-wedding planner) are.

Wow, they must really love Charlie! But if I’m Burt and Shirley, I’m feeling a little pissed.

Let’s not forget that last week (?) Shirley was diagnosed with lupus and Mel and Cameron got to do a little PSA on healthcare costs.

Anyway, the Mel-Cam-Jack love triangle is getting even more interesting because Jack is missing. MISSING! So Mel calls the only person in town who is equipped to search for missing persons.

But as usual, Preacher couldn’t find who he was looking for.

It’s been an explosive season so far, but nothing has prepared us for this! Jack is starting a GLAMPING business!

Actually, there’s a ton of exciting stuff we have to unpack before we can book one of Jack’s new Airstreams. First, Vernon finds out Jack and Mel are having a baby!

Now, you’ll recall that Mel had to call doc last night because she thought there was something wrong with Mack, and Jack was nowhere to be found. Also, she was apparently unable to locate the doppler Jack bought her in the season premiere.

Anyway, baby Mack is fine. Baby Mack is always going to be fine because, without Mack, there wouldn’t be any drama, and this show thrives on drama. This is why, two seconds after Mel and Jack get home, Joey comes SCREECHING into the driveway with big, BIG news.

Now, Mel is taken aback by Joey’s engagement, but what I find really puzzling is why these two sisters who apparently tell each other everything didn’t ever even discuss Joey meeting this man.

Anyway, after some serious will-they-or-won’t they drama, things with Preacher and Julia are FINALLY moving forward! This after that crazy passionate kiss they shared a few episodes ago.

I, for one, am pretty thrilled to see Preacher putting himself out there again. He was really letting the whole Paige running away, Christopher getting kidnapped thing harsh his mellow. But it’s been, like, 48 hours since he even mentioned the TWO private detectives he has on the case.

With Preacher off at aikido, Jack’s left all alone at the bar.

Mel has to spend all day trying to stop this wedding.

And the ladies’ sewing circle is launching a new project!

And in the midst of all this mayhem, inspiration strikes!

Nah, these hipsters are interested in kicking it at JE’s place! They are going GLAMPING!

After this two second exchange, Jack has decided this is his next move. And a minute later, he has his first investor!

Why is Nick willing to invest even though this would DIRECTLY COMPETE WITH THE BNB?!?

Also, is that how starting a business works when you’re a white man?

Anyway, definitely not glamping today: Cam and Vern.

They have to respond to a very remote emergency in the forest.

Now, call me crazy, but shouldn’t they have a satellite cell phone? You’re telling me this man, who was losing his vision not that long ago, BTW, is gonna hike four miles to get a signal if someone needs an ambulance???

Nothing in this town makes sense! Which probably explains why Mike needs Brady’s help with ???

I’m sorry, but is this a real criminal charge? Because it seems like the kind of thing that happens in Target with overtired toddlers all the time.

For some reason, Mike needs Brady to something so he has to something so Jimmy will something. Plot, plot, plot. Text message. The most important point of this storyline is that we get a peek at Brady’s phone background, which is pretty epic.

Anyway, Brady goes down to the station to interrogate (?) Jimmy — WHO TRIED TO MURDER HIM, PS — because Brady is the only one who can… I don’t even know. How is this legal!?

But, it works!

Uh… just curious: is Brady still being charged with attempted murder?

Julia and Preacher hit a roadblock when she FINALLY asks about the mysterious drawing in the picnic basket, and Preacher responds:

Yeah! It is! Maybe it would help to TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT! Especially someone to whom you are attracted. You know, in case you ever want to move on from your Lifetime movie plot life and settle down. (Also, you’re telling me he hadn’t thought about how to respond to a question like this????)

Looks like Joey and what’s his name/Hallmark Christmas movie affable boss guy also aren’t going to go the distance either. Mel succeeded in breaking them up.

Now, I’m really trying to imagine the fight between Joey and her fiancée, which was obviously cut for time because this episode was so action-packed.

Him: Why didn’t you tell me your sister was upset about us getting married tomorrow? It’s not like we just met yesterday.

Her: Yeah, seriously. It’s been an entire month. She’s just jealous.

Him: I’m not sure I want to marry into this crazy family.

Her: You’ve never even met my family.

Luckily, one couple in this episode is moving forward: Denny and Lizzie.

Let’s not forget that Lizzie is (was?) sex-crazed, so of course, she’s ready for a romp with Den! (Remember, there was an entire plot about whether or not this woman should have the luxury of obtaining contraception.) Anyway, Denny is NOT into it.

Lizzie gets charger-blocked, which is the worst way to get blocked. But then when she goes looking for the charger, she discovers something way worse.

Hmmm… why does Denny have a bottle of his dead dad’s meds in the desk? Suspicious!

Why does Preacher not want to talk about the photo in the picnic basket? Suspicious!

Why doesn’t Nate want to marry Joey anymore after one fight? Suspicious!

Why is Nick investing in glamping? Suspicious!

Why is Brady allowed to interrogate police witnesses? Suspicious!

I’m starting to think we can’t trust *any* of these guys!

Huzzah! It’s time for The Festival of Living Art and everyone in town is dropping everything to make this happen!

Oh wait… [checks notes]: This isn’t Gilmore Girls. Are we sure?

Grumpy guy who owns a local eatery? Check.

Charming single mom (okay, allllmost single mom) who makes said restaurant owner come out of his shell? Check.

Teens performing Romeo & Juliet? Check!

Tell me this is not Gilmore girls.

Okay, but really, what’s the point of this episode? Seems to me it’s just for funsies because almost nothing consequential happens. One thing is clear though: The production budget IS LIT! Everybody — even casual attendees (except special guest, Tim) — is in FULL PERIOD regalia.

Jack is sporting a seriously cringy accent.

And Muriel is the queen/Helena Bonham Carter from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland.

Everyone is performing Shakespeare, except Jack and Preacher, who have a duel because… plot device.

So, what even happens in this episode? First, we are introduced to Chris’s brother, Tim. Chris, of course, is the guy Jack couldn’t save in Iraq, but what we didn’t know was how HILARIOUS Chris was!

If that’s not a knee-slapper, I don’t know WHAT is.

Hope meets Denny, and invites Denny to move in, only no one knows he was breaking into the medicine cabinet last night.

I’m not a doctor, so don’t know what Schedule II drugs are, but it seems to me that if they are that serious, perhaps you wouldn’t store them in a glass cabinet for the world to see.

And Julia and Preacher keep things PG by teaching her niece to shoot a target.

If I’m Julia, I have a lot of other concerns beyond helping my teenage niece at this point. Like, who are the people in the drawings in the picnic basket??? Do you have a secret family I’m not aware of???

Preacher wouldn’t have time to explain anyway since duty calls.

And everyone in town CANNOT BELIEVE they were lucky enough to get a ticket to this!

But the best part, by far, is when the duel turns into The Bachelor for a second.

But the award for most valuable actress goes to Lizzie!

Unfortunately, Brady missed the whole duel — which is really too bad as it would have been a good way for him and Jack to make peace because it’s super important to Brie now.

Oft… it’s so challenging when your girlfriend is all, “You need to get over the whole my-brother-accused-you-of-murder-and-had-you-wrongly-imprisoned” thing.

PS: Doesn’t Brie have more pressing concerns, like how to clear Brady’s name?

Oh, never mind — they are working on that! Brady and Calvin have a quick meet-up while the rest of the town is busy. (I can’t help but wonder why the feds wouldn’t be surveilling this place now that it’s up and running again, especially since the COO is accused of trying to kill someone, but okay…)

I like that Brady waited around for Calvin. If only the raid could have waited around for him! #rude

Also, I appreciate Calvin’s willingness to be DIRECTLY involved in his maleficence.

This isn’t one of those criminal operations where the big boss is hard to get access to and is separated from the people who are actually doing the bad stuff. This guy is not shy about the fact that he is running things.

One guy who’s running things but has been kept in the dark: Vernon.

Oh man, poor Vern. Now Denny’s gonna be sleeping over and who knows what that kid will get into!

I smell an intervention coming!

But it’s gonna be Jack.

Everyone tells Jack he needs to go to therapy. Which, duh.

But instead of getting on Betterhelp.com and looking for a therapist who can talk NOW, he just sits around drinking and thinking about some of Chris’s BEST jokes.

But the most important development of this episode is that Cameron learned how to rock the maypole.

And we’re off with a bang! Can Jack land this plane???

Yes. And it seems pretty easy because the whole scene is over before the opening credits. Before we know it, Jack and Mel are back at home and preoccupied with other things, like the paternity of baby Mack.

Should Mack know who his daddy is? What about his granddaddy? I mean, if its good enough motivation for Denny — who is literally a STRANGER to these people — then it ought to be a good enough reason for Jack.

Why are these people talking about Denny when they JUST ABOUT DIED IN A PLANE CRASH a minute ago?

It is shocking how little this near-death experience plays into this episode. In fact, before we know it, we are right back to looking for Jack’s shooter, who is apparently Vince.

But sadly, there are STILL no leads.

Why?

Luckily, Brie is ON. THE. CASE. (She’s the Betty Cooper of this show.) But first, she pops by Jack’s office to say “hi.”

If my brother HAD TO CRASH LAND A PLANE while the pilot HAD A HEART ATTACK, this would not be my reaction.

Brie is also here to remind Jack he should be feeling guilty about Brady. (Is this really the time to pile on??)

Okay, back to the investigation! She’s meeting up with Mike, but this time he knows it’s NOT a date because she holds hands with him.

Vernon’s also busy working on his own scheme today — he wants Denny to move into the clinic.

Why have we NEVER heard about this bedroom until this season? Remember when Charmaine was sick and couldn’t be alone so she had to live with Hope??

Mike and Brie head to the bail bonds place to try to figure out who got Brady out of the jail because…

And in a scene that makes zero sense, you have the cop arguing to the bail guy that the accused murderer might be trying to leave town (which he was!), but uh… wouldn’t you be going to talk to a judge about that? Like, the judge who set the bail amount? Why wouldn’t you, I don’t know, put him under house arrest?

But, this is all for show since Brie is just angling to get the guy’s secretary on her good side.

At this point, I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT thought Brie was going to roofie this woman ala Preacher last season. But nah, she’s just being nice.

I bet Susan here is gonna give us our win. And to celebrate, I’ll treat you to lunch!

I’m thinking Mike is finding fewer and fewer reasons to try to clear Brady’s name…

But Brady has other things on his mind — today’s his first day back at work!

How is this even remotely possible?! First of all, didn’t the FBI/DEA/sheriff shut down this sham company? Also, even IF Emerald Lumber is still operating, what is this company’s policy on returning to work after you’ve been accused of murder? And, how soon are you allowed to operate heavy machinery after nearly being stabbed in the kidney? Plus, isn’t Brady the only one who’s not in jail after the raid???? How can you run a lumber yard single-handedly?

Okay, I have a loooooooooooooot of questions about this plot point, but mainly I’m concerned about Brady’s absolute lack of time management.

Seems to me that the first rule of getting caught in a raid you KNEW ABOUT would be to triple confirm the time!!

Uh oh… is Mike bad? Is Mike in cahoots with Vince? Is Mike Vince?! Is anybody in this show who they seem to be? Is everybody hiding something?

First, Preacher hasn’t told Julia about Paige/Michelle and his missing not-son who was kidnapped by Vince. (But then again, how do you even start that conversation???) Thankfully, she stumbles on these weird, random drawings in the picnic basket that Preacher presumably packed since he is cooking dinner, so she knows something is up. But what I really want to know is WHO DREW THESE because Christopher is, what, six?

And Muriel wants us to all be very concerned about Denny because random relatives aren’t all they are cracked up to be.

But Vern’s not concerned at all because Denny’s not moving in to his house like Laney’s “niece.” He’s moving into the clinic. It’s super different and Muriel doesn’t know what she’s talking about!

He takes Denny to the clinic to meet everybody and get settled in. Cameron is thrilled there’s a new character joining the cast!

How have these two never met if they are BOTH staying at Jo Ellen’s bed and breakfast???????

Anyway, it’s IMMEDIATELY apparent that Denny is up to trouble because on his very first night at the clinic — which apparently has no security EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD A BREAK IN LAST YEAR — he starts poking around for medicine. Unfortunately for him, the medicine is in a VERY SECURE glass cabinet so everyone can see exactly what’s up for grabs!

Denny is about as good a criminal as Brady is double agent since he didn’t even bother checking to see if anyone else was here before prying this cabinet open.

No doubt he’s just looking for a bandaid.

Well, bad news. I know you thought Carl was going to be a major character this season, but he’s dead. And, twist, the hospital thinks Mel is his daughter! Do we think she’s going to accidentally end up with a Dana Sue-like inheritance?

But you know who’s not dead? Brady! He’s busy is recovering from being shivved/sexy time with Brie. And he needs bandages.

Brie looks for these bandages in the MOST likely of places. Because of course after you return to your home that’s been torn apart by the FBI and after being nearly murdered in prison, the first thing you do is put your post-op supplies underneath your kitchen sink.

Actually, that’s NOT the first thing Brady did after his discharge. He actually made a quick stop at the local bank to withdraw a bunch of money, which didn’t raise any suspicions with anyone.

Turns out Brady is looking to take a little getaway.

I really DO NOT understand the conditions of his release. He’s not under house arrest or anything?

Anyway, he’s ready to run until he finds out that Brie is in danger.

So now, Brady, who is innocent, has bigger plans.

But Brie convinces Brady to stop acting like a jealous, violent lover, which would likely LAND HIM BACK IN JAIL.

Question: do we think Brie will be the bait?

Also, making plans to get out of town? Mel! And she needs Preacher’s help because Preacher doesn’t have anything else on his plate. (Again, is this man preoccupied with finding Christopher/reuniting with Michelle/Paige/finding Wes/keeping that body hidden or not???) Mel wants to whisk Jack away and rather than asking anyone else in town like, say, Jo Ellen, she turns to him because… plot? Does Preacher moonlight as a travel agent?

Yipee! Now she just has to figure out how to pry Jack away from repainting the diner — wait, no, bar. (Sorry, this isn’t Gilmore girls.)

Um… I love this SO MUCH because this entire plot point was launched by Jack’s dad’s visit. So, Jack IS a real Sheridan! Take that, Sam!

Unfortunately, Jack is having a pretty lousy day because not only is he repainting out of spite (remember what his dad said?), but it turns out Cameron was also right…remember what he said last night:

And he is tied to a real piece of work! Charmaine has the nerve to ask Jack to look at a preschool for their children. How dare she! And he doesn’t like this school because it seems pretentious.

Jack is being super unreasonable as the school has a lot of things that babies need!

Plus, doesn’t he want the best for his BOYS?!

Poor Jack, because the only thing worst than not finding out the sex of your kids is finding out that someone found out before you did!

Well, at least somebody is enjoying babies!

Turns out, Doctor Cutie — who should maybe get with Tara? — adores kids! He’s the perfect man!

Sorry, Cam, but you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Also barking up the wrong tree — Julia, apparently.

She drops by the bar, and Preacher gets to work on impressing her with some of his famous artichoke dip.

Ha! This legitimately made me laugh out loud.

But Preacher insists he’s not interested in Julia.

What?! How much money does Preacher make?

And then, he goes back out to the bar, comps Julia’s meal, and says:

Uh… talk about mixed signals!!!

He’s not the only one who’s been sending them though.

Denny takes Lizzie for a hike, and let’s take a minute to discuss how strange it is that he’s got a FULL PACK and she doesn’t even have a water bottle. What?! I think this is how the movie 127 Hours started…

Lizzie asks Denny if he wants to be the Romeo to her Juliet in the upcoming town fair…

…and he responds:

Ouch.

What exactly is your thing, Denny? Finding long-lost grandparents who didn’t know you existed? Calling hospitals to find out personal patient information?

Does Denny have some sort of Shakespeare-related trauma we don’t know about yet? Is Romeo and Juliet somehow responsible for his father’s untimely death?? (I bet JE knows!)

Also getting their signals crossed this episode: detective guy.

Brie wants him to help clear Brady’s name. Only problem is he wants Brady’s girlfriend. Shoot! Worst date ever!

Oh, wait, I take that back. Jack and Mel are on the worst date ever as the pilot Preacher booked for them is about to have a heart attack.

We know the stakes a high because the writers go through some serious pains to tell you that Jack has some limited flight experience.

And they are pretty high up in the air.

Well, I’d have to give Preacher’s travel agency zero stars — would not book again.

Will Jack and Mel survive, or this episode the prequel to the new Netflix series, Keep Breathing?

Whew, what a night! After the news of her parents’ impending divorce and being threatened by a drug lord, Brie wakes up and decides to go for a run.

Mel, who like Preacher never seems to have any needs of her own, asks Brie how she can support her and Brie responds:

What?!

Okay… Byyyyyyyye! As soon as Brie takes off running, Doctor Cutie shows up! I knew these two were gonna bump into each other.

He’s feeling lonely, which makes ZERO SENSE given:

1. He’s staying at Jo Ellen’s, and we know JE is up in EVERYBODY’S business.
2. The townswomen are practically falling over themselves to meet this hottie. Surely someone would have been happy to hang.

So naturally, Mel says Jack would be thrilled for all them to have dinner together tonight. #notawkwardatall

Where?

Jack’s not nearly as excited about this BBQ as his GF/baby mama (?) promised, but he is excited about this.

I guess Brie is sticking around, which is good because no one else seems to be focused on proving Brady is innocent. But where can she go for answers?

The DEA! Where the number one rule is that you have to wear DEA swag at all times.

The number two rule is that it’s okay to put case file notes on a flash drive and hand them to someone outside the organization as long as you make them promise, promise, promise not to show anybody else. And it’s time-limited.

Yes, this seems super ironclad.

Since we can only have on investigation per ep, Preacher is taking the day off from looking for Christopher and Vince to do some flirting.

And he and aikido teacher give a quick little PSA for veterans.

Things are also heating up between Lizzie and Denny! And I was feeling okay about Denny until I saw this…

Why is he in A JACKET AND PANTS while everyone else is rocking tank tops and shorts?

What’s the deal with Denny????

Of course she has a theory. Maybe they should get JE to look at those super-secure DEA files and figure out who’s framing Brady! (My guess is Calvin — duh.) Speaking of Brady, he’s getting released from jail/the hospital! And he literally leaps out of bed, even though he is here recovering from LIFE-SAVING SURGERY.

More shocking news awaits this cast because people are starting to hear about Denny.

Who told?!

Um, no. This is a straight-up lie. Let’s flashback to the season premiere:

Did the writers forget that it was Jo Ellen who told Vernon about Denny in the first place?! I have so many questions… Not that it matters because either way, news of Denny is spreading and Vern’s gotta get ahead of it quick before somebody blabs to Hope.

Luckily, he comes clean before this causes any drama.

And Hope takes the news in stride.

Ha, Hope.

This conversation is the exact opposite of Jack and Cameron at the big BBQ. No surprise that these two do not hit it off.

Mel’s supposed to be there making sure things don’t get awkward, but she stumbles into a medical emergency while she’s at the grocery store.

Carl is confused. Carl can’t find his car. Carl has…

Good thing Mel is there because there’s absolutely no one else around to help!

Just kidding! (Poor Carl.)

Mel finally shows up to her own dinner party, but super late. Poor Jack!

Um… why couldn’t Mel call Jack at any point!? On the way to the grocery store, she’s totally racing around in her sporty red sports car while she’s chatting with him. But she couldn’t dial him on her way home?

Also, why does she tell him:

HE SPECIFICALLY SAID HE HAD A DAUGHTER! Did anyone try to contact her????

Well, whatever… it’s time for dinner. Down at Jack’s the special is:

…a heart attack on a plate. And Ricky and Lizzie are on duty. Time for Ricky to win her back!

Uhh… why does he say this apropos of nothing?

Will you still even live here by the time the fair rolls around, Ricky? Aren’t you joining the military?

People who aren’t leaving town anytime soon: Doctor Cutie! And back at the big barbeque, Mel finally gets the conversation going. Cameron dives right in and starts talking about his ex. This is a super fascinating discourse because they were soooooooooo different.

Hmmm… I wonder which type Mel is?

But Mel insists…

Again, what about all the single women?!?! Here, I’ll name a few: Tara, Hannah, Muriel, Connie, Ricky’s grandma, Lizzie. (Okay, maybe just Tara or Hannah, as this town doesn’t seem to have many women under fifty.)

Two people NOT denying their chemistry? Brie and Brady!

Looks like we have several potential love triangles shaping up in VR:

Brady + Brie + Detective guy

Lizzie + Denny + Ricky

Cam + Mel + Jack

Preacher + aikido lady + Paige/Michelle (Oh, aikido lady is also under 50 & could be setup with Doctor Cutie!)

Also, Jack’s dad + Jack’s mom + her art teacher!

But the bottom line is nobody should be alone. Don’t end up like Carl.

When we open on an ambulance racing to the Eureka Hospital, and my first thought was, “Oh, they had an emergency at the clinic.” But nope, it’s Brady! I am shocked the prison medivac’d him with such speed given their lack of response to fights in the yard.

Even more impressive is that they took the time to notify some of Brady’s closest friends so they could race over and not be able to see him.

Jack is feeling particularly bad for Brady now that his memory has come back. If only he had trusted Brady! But his FBI pal is there to remind him that evidence NEVER lies.

I’m starting to think this guy only wants Brady to stay in jail so he can get with Brie. Also, isn’t it sorta a conflict of interest for him to be a part of this investigation???

Jack doesn’t have time to focus on his guilt for too long, because his girlfriend is about to get some important news via this episode’s main character!

Hmm… why did Jo Ellen call Mel? What’s the news she needs to share with her?

Okay, what??? Seems like Jo Ellen is really going above and beyond if she’s taking the time to notify guests’ next of kin that they’ve checked in. Do her guest have no right to privacy? Also, why’d she call Mel? This isn’t urgent. Also, Jack has a cell phone… HE IS LITERALLY HOLDING IT IN HIS HAND AT THIS MOMENT!!

In fact, Jack is about to use said cell phone to call his sister so they can divide and conquer on this whole dad’s-in-town-but-our-murderous-mutual-friend-also-needs-attention situation. And Brie is up to the challenge!

Luckily, she and Jack both know that the best way to resolve situations in this town is to threaten someone with calling the local news.

(I’m imagining one elderly guy coming out with a lawn chair, an umbrella, and a reporter’s notebook.)

Anyway, when the guard doesn’t cower at this threat, Brie results to a classic lady lawyer technique: being annoying.

Meanwhile, back at the diner, Jack waits for his dad to show up, giving Preacher an opportunity to ask the question that’s been on everyone’s mind…

You know, for a man who’s both working full-time and trying to investigate a kidnapping, this guy seems to have A LOT of time on his hands. Let’s not forget that just yesterday, he was kicking back talking about racoons.

And today, he’s got time to both chat with Jack about his personal life and check out a new workout class. Uh… okay. I guess he’s got better work/life balance than I do.

Someone with no work life balance apparently: Jack’s dad!

#humblebrag

And though he has never once visited Jack’s bar, he delivers the ultimate dad burn.

Dad doesn’t have long to focus on aesthetics since there’s some other news to focus on.

He tries to convince Jack to marry Charmaine because…

And then he leaves. In the middle of the conversation.

Unlike Jack, Vern is fairing a little better with his surprise visitor. Though he seems a lot more interested in his ex- than in his grandson. Rather than, I don’t know, Googling “Rose Miller” and getting her phone number, he just pesters Denny with questions.

Luckily Denny and Vernon seem to have one thing in common: going to totally inappropriate sources for information.

Uh… what?! The hospital disclosed that to you? I have some serious questions about their patient privacy policies! Vern’s not even mad about this. In fact, as a show of gratitude, he tries to set him up with his surrogate granddaughter Lizzie. No matter that Lizzie is in THE MIDDLE OF WORK (it’s appropriate that she later reveals just how bad she is at her job). And Denny has just a thrilling date in mind! Pedal boating! He also woes Lizzie with some scintillating conversation.

Also doing something thrilling today: Preacher! He shows up for aikido and we INSTANTLY sense there will be a love connection with the instructor because they have the same skin color – of course — but also because she does some shameless flirting.

But the star really shining in this scene is Henry, who is making the absolutely MOST of his five seconds on screen.

Also, he drops Preacher WITH A SINGLE HAND.

This is the same man who once told Paige…

Apparently the US Military has NOTHING on Henry.

Speaking of the military, they decide to drop by and see how Ricky’s doing.

Is this how recruiting works???

Eh, the specifics don’t matter. All I know is the military seems to be the reason everybody’s upset. Lizzie’s mad at Ricky, and Sam is mad at Jack, which is why he’s leaving town.

Checking out, already!?

Jack makes one last attempt to make things right by dashing over to the B&B.

Is Jo Ellen spying on her guests????

But I gotta say, I did agree with his dad at one point.

I cannot believe Jack let that go to waste!

Luckily, one of his kids is using her college education.  

If only she’d taken an aikido class instead of gone to law school so she wouldn’t be so shaken up when this happens.

Sorry, are you Calvin? It’s really not clear to me.

Anyway, more unsettling news is headed for this family!

But the thing I’m focused on is how two people who SURVIVED A HOUSE FIRE are comfortable having this many lit candles this close to the rafters.

Can’t wait to see what news Jo Ellen has for us tomorrow!

I know what you’re thinking: “Why didn’t the writers give us a recap after such an explosive end to season four?” Well, because last season was so big, so unforgettable, so action-packed, that they knew we’d want to jump right in. And boy, do we! 

Jack and Mel are back together — whew! Just in time too, because they need to pick some baby names. 

Um… ex-squeeze me. What year is this? INDIANA?!

Okay, but we can’t dwell on these baby names because LOOK WHO’S BACK!

I’ve seen enough Lifetime Original Movies to know that THIS GUY is definitely the murderer. 

Oh wait, it’s just a bad dream. PSYCH! But a handy recap, right? Wait, no, it’s still not clear to you what this situation is. Let’s try one more time. 

This doctor is definitely thinking, “Yes, I know how pregnancy works…” 

What’s that now… [leans in closer]: Mel might not be able to have babies?! *Now* I know what’s at stake here. 

Also, let’s not forget how this all happened — Mel went to LA because her sister was getting divorced. We all remember this, right?

Ha… yeah, “kids” “live” “here.” This place definitely looks like it’s running rampant with children. How many babies did this skinny woman give birth to?

Anyway, Joey gave Mel some priceless, sisterly advice. 

And naturally, this being LA, Mel can schedule an appointment with her doctor for a quickie insemination before dashing back to Virgin River where she and Jack rekindle things. And now we’re here with Jack wondering what the co-pay is like on Mel’s insurance. 

But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves because there are other health concerns in Virgin River! (Thank God this town has an entire team of medical professionals!)

Hope is back, though not the vibrant Hope I adored. This Hope has been slapped with a brain injury. Presumably, this is how the writers are punishing her for sitting out last season due to COVID. Another way they are punishing her…

No one wants to remind her that her best friend is dead. Personally, I find this to be completely devastating! Poor, Hope! Why are they doing this to her? Let her get back to running the town or whatever she does. 

Well, Vern doesn’t have time to talk about Hope’s dead bestie because it’s a big day at the clinic — a new doctor is coming! Something tells me sparks are gonna fly between Mel and the new guy!!!!

Ha! Scheduling software! This guy is a hoot! (He interviewed for this job, right? Doesn’t that seem like a question you’d ask in your interview?)

Seems like we are going to have more regulars this season — look who’s joining the reoccurring cast! This person!

(Don’t worry — you’ll probably only be in half the episodes.)

I’m sooooooo glad the writers were working overtime to remind us that this is Jack’s sister, not a romantic interest. Though, he does have an ex-wife… a plot point that also was dropped about half a season ago. Anyway…

Also back: Preacher. We were supposed to think he had been left for dead (?) at the end of last season after he got roofied, but nah, he’s in the kitchen making scrambled eggs! Not a scratch on him, either!

When I saw this, I about died. (Don’t worry, I survived and there will be zero mention of it.)

Let’s take this moment to revisit Preacher’s journey up to now: 

• Preacher was in love with Paige, but they never got together. Still, she trusted Preacher more than anyone in town because he was willing to pay her cash and not ask vital questions like, “How did you get this pie-making food truck without a bank account?”

• Preacher invited Paige to move in with him (not romantically, just to play house), but then her abusive ex showed up like, two seconds later! (Couldn’t she have called Preacher’s name? I don’t think he was even in the car before she saw Wes…)

• Paige accidentally murdered Wes less than 24 hours after she didn’t move in with Preacher. But naturally, she called him to help deal with the aftermath. 

• Preacher GOT RID OF THE BODY for Paige. Now, I’m not saying Wes deserved justice or anything, but it’s a little weird that except for that one ep where the police found a body in the woods, this corpse situation was dropped entirely.
• PS: remember how Connie helped Preacher cover the murder up??

• Preacher almost got out of VR with a job offer in the big city, but then this Paige thing pulled him right back in! 

So, now here he is, making eggs and NOT GOING TO THE POLICE, and asking vital questions like this:

Um… I am betting Christopher has a lot of questions. Like, Where’s my mommy? Where’s my daddy? Who’s this stranger who looks like my daddy but won’t let me go back to live with the man who I live with who is neither my daddy nor knows the location of my mommy? Do I still have to dye my hair blonde? And, is THIS what a slumber party is????

Jack is busy offering helpful suggestions like this:

As you do when the son of the woman you are madly in love with disappears after murdering her child’s abusive father, and then her husband’s TWIN BROTHER (this is not mentioned nearly enough) who is apparently a dirty cop tracks her down, even though she was using a fake name, tries to murder you via an accomplice, and then kidnaps the child with whom she entrusted you.

I bet News 9: Virgin River’s ONLY News Network is incredibly hard-hitting and would be ALL OVER this story.

News 9 would be all over this: Brady is in jail now! Along with Jimmy.  

The minute this rando walks up to Brady and offers this aside, you know he is going to the aforementioned psycho.  

But no one is thinking about Brady at this point. Jack has been busy shopping for baby Mack (Mark + Jack — see what I did there?). He bought Mel prenatal vitamins, books on high-risk pregnancies, and a fetal doppler. Does he know she’s a nurse? Also, she says, “I need maternity clothes and to talk to my sister” and instead of listening, he goes on a shopping spree at CVS.

Aren’t they trying to keep the pregnancy under wraps? Why does he have the BIGGEST pharmacy bag known to man?

Never mind… no one noticed Jack’s GIANT bag because all the ladies in town dashed over to the clinic since it’s not every day that an eligible man of a certain age turns up in Virgin River! And, as Jane Austen told us: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” The word “virgin” is literally in the name of the town… these poor women!

Let’s not ignore the fact that this man showed up in town LESS THAN A DAY AGO! How horny are these women???? (Also, do any of them have jobs? No, okay… asking for a friend.)

The doctor — who presumably WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL — cannot imagine why these women would be tripping over themselves to meet him.

Try again, doc.

Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? 

Wait, hotter… because at the end of the day this doctor very professionally tells his new professional colleague his favorite part of the day.

It’s like #metoo never even happened here!!!

Also, BTW… I don’t see it. But, he’s a runner, which means these two are obvs gonna run into each other sometime.

At least now that Cameron’s here Vern can have some time off to deal with what’s going on at home. Poor Hope finally learns Lilly died — I’m really grateful they didn’t drag this out for too long. Vernon recounts THE WHOLE STORY in case you weren’t paying attention last season.

But this left me with one burning question: Where can I get a card for Groundhog Day? Maybe at King’s Pharmacy, home of the world’s largest pharmacy bag!

Of course, as soon as Vernon comes clean about one secret, another one comes knocking on his door. 

He has a grandson he didn’t know about — SURPRISE!

Before we can even digest the news, we find out Brady’s not the one who tried to kill Jack; Vince is!

I have sooooooooooo many questions about this. Why does Vince look directly at the camera with a come-at-me stare? Why did Vince try to murder Jack? Why was Brady at the bar that night? Did Brady see Vince? Is Brady just Wes in disguise because they never did find Wes’s body?!!?!?!?!

Speaking of Brady… like every stay-at-home parent I know, this poor dude is just trying to get some peace and quiet when his new prison bestie interrupts him.

I genuinely felt bad for Brady at this moment.

For some reason, Brady, who is accused of ATTEMPTED MURDER, is at one of those prisons without any guards, so when the fight ensues, no one even bothers trying to break it up. In fact, no guards even turn up until the yard has been cleared and Brady is lying in a pool of his own blood after being stabbed by Psycho. I guess they were all on a break.

What a start to the season! I don’t know about you, but I am desperate to find out whether or not Brady’s gonna get to finish that book he was reading…