It’s a place where people see you for who you really are.
How hard was that contest?
Where bosses appreciate gumption.
And people are encouraged to dig deep and share their real feelings.
What everyone wants is the freedom to be their true selves, and that is what Serenity offers.
This really sounds like a threat.
This episode gave us the chance to see what some of the secondary characters on the show really want. Let’s dive into their deepest desires. Be bold!
Citizen name: Peggy
Daily persona: Local journalist with a dark past
Boldest self: Betty from Riverdale!
It’s nice that DS has time to work undercover for Peggy. Anything for a story! (PS: What do you suppose the circulation of the Serenity Post Daily is? I’m asking for a friend.)
Peggy has to question all the key players because this is a serious case.
My first thought was truly: Who is Trent?
Dana Sue: Check.
Helen: Check.
Okay, back to the Blue and Gold to file this hard-hitting story.
Citizen name: CeCe
Daily persona: Forgettable high school student (who is she again?)
Boldest self: Empancipated teen!
CeCe showed up in this episode to discuss a very serious legal matter and ended up being pseudo-adopted by Helen. Helen’s got such a big heart for the youth of Magnoia. She even pledges a vow of celibacy to seal the deal.
I’m sure Ryan’s gonna be pumped about this.
Citizen name: Ryan Frances (?)
Daily persona: Courrier for Aunt Frances/milkshake deliveryman
Boldest self: Giants fan?
Ryan is really trying to make good on his promise to Helen to stay in Serenity. He’s out looking for jobs and everything.
Again, this feels like a warning.
But I don’t think Helen is as keen on Ryan as we’ve been led to believe. In fact, she doesn’t even consult him about CeCe.
Honestly, I felt pretty bad for Ryan in this episode. Not only is he not getting any, turns out he wasn’t even Aunt Frances’ favorite!
Citizen name: Aunt Frances
Daily persona: Beloved dead
Boldest self: Hoader/biographer/mother?
Aunt Frances has loomed large over this season. After such a massive loss, the town has struggled to move on, especially since AF left a lot of stuff behind for these poor people to comb through.
She also left journals for them to read.
This woman’s hubris knows no end!
Not only did she leave them all her earthly possessions, but she also made some weird claims about their paternity.
Uh, just because you were in love with someone and didn’t tell them and then that person had a baby WITH SOMEONE ELSE does not make that child yours.
So, AF left DS all her money because she had a crush on DS’s dad?
Aunt Frances’ flirting (Just kidding – this is some child on the show whose name you definitely know.)
I guess Dana Sue’s dad was, like, really hot.
Anyway, if I’m Ryan, hearing this is pretty depressing:
Thanks for delivering those boxes, Ryan. Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye!
Aunt Frances driving off to heaven.
Citizen name: Annie
Daily persona: Favorite daughter
Boldest self: Big sis!
Annie only wants one thing. Sure, her boyfriend has mysteriously gone missing, but what she really, truly wants is for her mom to have another baby. (This should be no problemo for DS.)
Oh wait, sorry… she studied at the Aunt Frances School of Family Planning. What she means is she wants a friend. She’s 16 and she doesn’t have any. I hear CeCe needs family, so maybe she and Annie should talk.
Let’s be honest: thus far, this season of SM has been kind of a drag. Our characters have been busy dealing with cheating husbands, shady sisters-in-law, and crying like they are in a Nicholas Sparks movie, so this episode was a real breath of fresh air. Finally, we’re all going out for a good time!
Oh, sorry, I mean hunting. We are going hunting.
Now, we all know how terrifically zany these hunts can get, so you’d best buckle up!
But first, before we can go look for a thing that we all definitely care about, we need to tend to some homework.
This show is so HORNY for school.
(These are all flashbacks from this season!) Have you ever seen people more eager to tend to their schooling?
So, let’s take up the call of this episode and HUNT for our love languages!
Love Language 1
Do you opt for liquids over solids?
Have you been known to stand alone in your house waiting for Doordash to leave a milkshake on the porch?
Do you applaud yourself for any afternoon without sweets?
Do you regularly get together with your friends for a drink-based gathering?
If so, your love language might be ice cream! Ice cream comes in all forms — you can sip it; you can stick it in between cookies; you can make it into a cake. The important thing is that ice cream will always be there for you, even when your fancy, NGO-boyfriend can’t.
Love language 2
Did you have big dreams as a child?
Are you from a small town where no one ever amounted to anything?
Does the idea of Pluto being a planet make you laugh?
If so, your love language might be adventure. Adventure comes in all shapes and sizes. You don’t have to go to Time Square for a good time; just strap on a pair of moon-bounce shoes and your world will come alive.
Love language 3
Do you hate talking to the press?
Do you get annoyed when people point out the little things you’ve left undone?
Have you spent your entire life waiting to do a literal mic drop?
If so, your love language might be politics! People love you until they hate you, and they mostly hate you for plot reasons (see also: Nick). The only way to win at this game is to opt out — always leave them wanting more!
Love language 4
Do you love matching, coordinated outfits?
Do you use deals to help men feel better about themselves?
Do you have crazy eyes?
If so, your love language might be entrepenuership! You were always meant to be on top, but then someone scooped your dreams (be careful not to confuse this love language with ice cream). Climbing back up won’t be easy, but if you have the right people by your side, your success is practically guarenteed.
Love Language 5
Do you love giving “gifts”?
Do you love telling your friends about the “gifts” you give?
Are you still exploring your “gift”?
If so, your gift is smashing it. You love smashing it anywhere, all the time, and telling everybody about it! And even though all gifts are equal, this one is definitely the best. If you have this one, you won love languages. Congratulations, athlete!
Okay, now that we’ve dealt with all the things relating to Ms. Frances’ passing (God bless her soul), it’s time to get back to what this season is all about.
For some reason, these three are in charge of selecting the new town mayor, and are naturally spending all their energy trying to find the right person. Let’s look at the candidates, shall we?
Candidate 1: Cal
Cal is the former superstar baseball player with a secret anger problem. Since he just got fired from his job, he’s got the time to campaign. Only problem?
Okay, so we are looking for someone who can appeal to women voters. How about Mary Vaughn?
Candidate 2: Mary Vaughn
She’s a pro-family matriarch with a thriving business who gives off never-let-’em-see-you-sweat energy. Problem? I think she’s married to the current mayor (though I truly have no idea.) Also, she lacks people skills.
Candidate 3: Trotter
He’s friendly, affable, gets along great with women, and runs the spa when no one else has time to turn up to work.
Problem? He’s ALWAYS touching everybody.
Okay, so how about a more hand’s off candidate…
Candidate 4: Bill
Beloved (?) doctor (I think) who has fathered two kids (that we know of) with two women who weren’t his wife (oopsie). He’s kind of a mess, but he’s trying to do better.
Hmmm… no, too many skeltons in his closet. We need someone with a little less history.
Candidate 5: Noreen
Sure, we don’t know much about her, but she’s the can-do single mom who the town has rallied around. And you know what, she makes great cookies. Cookies so good that even professional chefs want the recipe!
Eh, I think she’s a little tied up with Peanut. (What is this kid’s real name, BTW?)
Alright, so we are looking for someone with a lot of time of their hands. How about…
Candidate 6: Ronnie
Sure, he was gone awhile but he’s a supportive dad.
And good in bed *wink wink*. He’s got his truck back and his wife just inherited a life-changing amount of money. He doesn’t seem to have a job that’s keeping him busy.
Oh, shoot — he’s got this pesky thing with his mystery sister to work out. Maybe we could hire him for debate prep.
Candidate 7: Pastor June
Everybody likes her and she’s a great public speaker!
Yeah, can’t have single women on the ballot. That would look too weird.
Candidate 8: Ryan
He is Aunt Frances’ beloved nephew, there’s nothing else I need to hear! And the timing is great because he’s just been given an ultimatum by Helen.
(I mean, really, what was Ryan’s vision for their life together?)
It’s hard to believe the town could recover from the death of Miss Frances, and yet, time marches on.
In the shadow of her moving celebration of life (throw by her favorite three students), the town has to get back to work.
Just kidding! Everybody in Serenity will be taking a page out of Brie’s book today in observance of the big, shocking, terrible thing baseball guy did at the restaurant.
Did he get blackout drunk? Use too many party drugs? Is he sleeping with hordes of women?
No, he has a huge problem with — wait for it — anger. (The worst sin of all.) And naturally this means he is incapable of being in an adult relationship.
Which makes sense because he has the handwriting of a child.
But, while he can’t be a grown-up, everyone else has to grow up and deal with the fallout from yesterday’s funeral.
Helen might be engaged.
And Dana Sue and her ex (?) need to talk about Kathy.
This kid — you absolutely know his name — is being impacted by the recall, which you totally remember is happening.
And DS needs to go to the bank.
Why won’t they just say how much money it is?
And these two people who you also recognize are trying to find a place for their secret hookups because…plot.
What the people of this town really need is a trusted guide they can lean on and who can help them work through these issues.
Which is why they have TROTTER, a man we all know and love. Thankfully he is there to guide Maddie in this uncertain hour.
Maddie really needs to find something to do, because she has been blowing Helen’s phone up all. day.
She’s been single/estranged from Cal for, what, six hours? Poor thing. So, Trotter really has to spell it out for her.
With this solid guidance, she wanders out of the spa and bumps into a good friend who we are thrilled to see again.
This poor lady (who, based on her outfit, is apparently the town priest?) is just trying to get a break.
These townspeople need to find a way to handle their own damn problems. Pastor June is busy, okay!
The only ones who have a plan for anything are DS and Ronnie.
Up until now I suspected Kathy was the reason these two broke up all those years ago. So, when Ronnie goes to see her, I thought he was deviating from the plan Dana Sue had hinted at!
(Who takes the time to remove a phone number from their contacts anymore?)
Anyway, I thought maybe Kathy was going to convince Ronnie they should take Frances’ money and run away together.
Especially when she orders him a drink like this, while holding his hands.
So, it was a real shock to me when Kath sat down and said…
WHAT?! Who orders a drink by calling their brother a “fine man.” Ick!
Also in weird sibling relationships:
Isaac and his baby sister are now living together. Is it gonna be awkward when Isaac starts dating Bill’s ex (you remember that, right?)/Isaac’s sister’s mother, Noreen, a person about whom we have strong feelings?
At least their relationship will be more cut and dry than Helen and Ryan’s. These two honestly seem like they are on a different show than everybody else. Helen tells Ryan about her miscarriage and then they both have a good cry. For a man who didn’t want kids until yesterday, Ryan takes this particularly hard.
Couldn’t they just ask Bill to make them a baby, cuz from the looks of things he’s going to father a child with Kathy any minute now.
Anyway, lots of drama to catch-up on with these people who you are definitely invested in, so might as well hit the “next episode” button and see what happens next in Serenity!
Well, the season finale of Sweet Magnolias gave us ups, downs, and lots of unanswered questions… like who on earth would order this?
I like Annie, but I am concerned for her.
This woman is correctly puzzled.
But, back to our reason for gathering today: we need to pour it out…
(Why do these three get to pick the new mayor??)
But first, a recap! The great thing about these ladies’ nights is it offers the perfect framing device for distracted viewers who may have missed a thing or two:
Ryan is back in town for his aunt’s funeral, a woman who is so critical to this town that everything has apparently come to a grinding halt, but so unimportant that I literally could not tell you a single thing about her. The show worked overtime to try to remind us who she was…a poetry teacher who had an affinity for books, I guess.
Anyway, we continue to unravel the puzzle of Dana Sue’s estrangement with her husband. The episode was clearly written by a man who’s busy waiting for his wife to say…
Her biggest mistake might be dating a man who wears THIS to a funeral.
While DS & Ronnie are headed for a second chance, Cal and Maddie discover trouble in paradise when he finally reveals that’s been… not in rehab, not abusing pills, not cheating or gambling. He went to ANGER MANAGEMENT. Mic drop.
Never mind who Johnny and Jodie are. Maybe one of them told Mary Vaughn!
By the way, I would love to see Dark Cal sometime.
Maybe he’s some sort of secret caped crusader… wait, no, this isn’t the CW.
Also working on his anger issues, Jackson!
This town has a remarkable number of well-adjusted and polite teenagers! Never mind that Jackson ENDED Tyler’s baseball career… and baseball was the only thing he had in common with his dad.
Not just Jackson though. Ryan also got the call that it’s time to clean up his act, and so he comes to Helen — who is, for some reason, responsible for organizing the funeral as opposed to this woman’s own nephew because… law? Anyway, Ryan has a confession.
And Helen takes this news about as well as a plaintiff on Law and Order finding out that the criminal the detectives promised would be convicted has been released due to a technicality.
Ryan somehow mistakes this face for total elation and plans accordingly, as we will see.
Ronnie, still searching for a way back into his marriage, tries to find an Erik-like confidante in Tyler.
Luckily, Dana Sue has decided to forgive him for cheating (?) by making a grand gesture.
You’re telling me that this woman didn’t have enough money to keep her restaurant, but kept her ex’s truck in storage for two years?
One ex who isn’t being welcomed back? Bill. Maddie has an important lesson to share with him.
This does seem somewhat unfair given that Peggy never told Bill she was pregnant, had the baby, or put him up for adoption. So, he didn’t technically know he was repeating a mistake when he started sleeping with Noreen.
And while we’re busy kicking people out, Mary Vaughn gives Cal the ax. And on the holiest of days, no less.
Frances funeral is the event of the town! And an opportunity to remember just how diverse Serenity is!
And while most of the kids are alright, one gets the feeling Lily might be up to no good…
The real heft of the episode comes after the funeral when Annie has a run in with a MYSTERIOUS LADY!
SHHHHHHHHE’S BACK!
Dana Sue gets a big check!
And someone posts a video on Instagram! (I’m betting Serenity Secrets is run by Lily… just sayin’)
Finally, Cal gets some help from a big fan!
We all remember Stu, right? From the St. Jude’s black tie gala, where he didn’t come off as obsessive AT ALL.
Now he sounds like a straight-up conspiracy theorist. (Are we sure this isn’t Riverdale?)
When Cal loses his cool and assaults Stu, Erik immediately calls Helen, who does not swipe right because she is busy.
So, what’s next for the three besties of Serenity? Will they get their parking lot? Will they go back to work or just be independently wealthy now that Frances has given DS a big check? How many of these teens are headed for Romeo & Juliet romances?
And, of course, who is going to be the next mayor of Serenity? Only time will tell!
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