Season 5: Episode 6: All hands on deck

I really do not understand this town’s fire safety plan. Now, I know that Hope drafted it, but did it not include provisions for the town actually catching on fire?!

These music descriptions are killin’ me!

Despite the “grave music,” this episode is pretty delightful, and not just because we get the ultimate Brady thirst trap.

No, this is the episode where we see what these characters are actually made of — these are the kinds of people who will run into burning buildings to save each other. Which is noble, but I can’t help but wonder why they don’t have a better emergency response plan! For example, Ready.gov clearly states you should:

“Create a fire-resistant zone that is free of leaves, debris or flammable materials for at least 30 feet from your home.”

I assume there is similar advice out there for businesses. And yet, this is the scene at Jack’s when the fire jumps the river.

Gather the umbrellas? Seems like we could have done this ages ago, fellas.

Wait, no, we couldn’t have because what were Jack and Brady doing before this whole thing?

Rescuing Hazel and the weed people! Hazel’s nameless mother is really smitten with Brady. Don’t forget: He’s a hero!

And a veteran!

And then, she makes the ultimate play — she puts her hand on Brady!

Is this the sexiest thing that’s ever happened in Virgin River? I guess impending doom makes people pretty horny because there are hands ALL OVER THE PLACE in this episode. (Remember the last episode — I mean, one hour ago — when NOBODY was touching?)

Muriel touching DMH’s back!

Hope linking arms with the evil mayor!

Poor Mel finally gets a hug!

And so does Brie!

So much smoldering romance in the face of the town getting wiped off the face of the planet. But, of all these pairings, the one I’m rooting for the most is Muriel and DMH.

Somebody tell me this is really happening! I mean, if Golden Bachelor is a thing, then surely this sixty-something can date a younger man. (I’m guessing… she doesn’t look sixty, but she does spend a lot of time with the sewing circle.)

They aren’t the only ones who might finally get together. Things are looking pretty good for Max Medina… I mean, Mike.

First of all, Brie and her mom generously let him hang out.

Naturally, he says…

So, they gather around the TV to watch some seriously scintillating coverage of the fire on the news. And unlike Mike, this newscaster is having a seriously tough day. Why is she broadcasting outside? And is she contractually obligated to wear her hair down no matter the circumstances?

Then Brie gives Max, wait… no, Mike, a legit compliment.

Because the thing is, ~~Max’s~~ Mike’s mom wanted him to be a dentist.

Just kidding… he wanted to be a cop. And he’s suuuuuper good at it!

Now, I am not saying Mike and Max are destined to the same fate of being seriously brokenhearted, but I feel it’s just not in the cards for these two.

Sorry, but I have to insist that just as Max could never compete with Luke, Mike can never compete with Brady.

Brady fought fires. In prison.

If Mike has one thing going for him it’s that Brie’s mom is a big fan. And when she is obsessed with something, she makes it exceedingly clear.

It’s funny to me because she doesn’t even mention Adam and the whole falling-off-the-roof incident. It’s like Adam ever even existed.

Anyway, Jack is strong. This morning, he helped Brady evacuate his camp, and then he raced into a building farmhouse and rescued Ava. Then — in the middle of trying to save his restaurant from a fire — Hope enlists him for another mission.

I mean, has this dude even had a sip of water today?

Anyway, he’s off to get Charlie (who?) to fly a plane (what?) to put out the fires (okay) because they weren’t able to convince someone to do something… I don’t even know.

Spoiler alert: hearing from the mayor didn’t work. And why didn’t it work? Because VR is not more important than any other town. Stop being so damn self-involved, Virgin River.

Anyway, Jack, who is, again, in the middle of trying to be save his restaurant — takes off for a visit to Hope’s spurned paramour.